


Getting Through the Day

by shnuffeluv



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Arguing, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Depression, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 10:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17579387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv
Summary: Based on an ask I received on Tumblr. Roman, Logan, and Patton have been dealing with depression, and one day it all comes to a head.





	Getting Through the Day

Patton didn’t know where it began. All of a sudden all the colors in the world felt muted, his emotions felt more dull, he was happy less and less. And looking back he realized he didn’t know when this had started, just that it had, and had been going on for a long time now.

Logan didn’t know where it ended. He had pinpointed the exact moment in time his feelings had started going haywire, making him question all the logic he had held dear. But he had been…ugh… _feeling_  like this for weeks now, and he didn’t know when it was going to stop. Or if it ever would.

Roman didn’t know what was wrong. He threw his heart into everything he did, and he enjoyed it! He was good at what he did and he never let anyone down if he could help it. But suddenly his heart wasn’t in anything anymore and he couldn’t find passion for his projects and he was questioning his whole purpose. He didn’t know when this started, where it ended, or what it was. And he wasn’t even sure he cared.

Each of them had resolved that they couldn’t tell the others. Patton was the emotional rock; the one everyone needed to be happy so that Thomas would be happy too. They couldn’t know he was depressed. Logan was the logical one, the one who could work through the others’ fears to come to a neat, simple conclusion. They couldn’t know he was anxious. Roman was the creative one, the one who could figure out any problem if he tried. They couldn’t know he was doubting himself.

This went on for days, weeks, months. Patton would put on a smile and make sure everyone was okay. Logan would remain expressionless as he explained something that the others were confused about. Roman would conjure up ideas and adventures and pretend to have the time of his life. No one saw how emotionally numb Patton had become, how Logan flinched at every unexpected noise, or how Roman cried every night because he was so tired of pretending.

One fateful day, Thomas summoned them all. Patton plastered on his dopey smile, Logan righted his glasses from where they had fallen askew, and Roman put on an air of impatience to get back to what he was doing. Virgil was hunched over on the steps already when they showed up, and he was scrutinizing everyone.

“Are all of you okay?” Thomas asked.

_No way_. “Of course kiddo!” Patton lied.

_I could only dream…_ “Naturally,” Roman said.

_Anything would be preferable to this_. “Without a doubt,” Logan forced himself to say.

Thomas arched an eyebrow. “Really? Because Virgil’s been telling me something’s off for weeks, and it always comes back to you three. Would there be any reason for him to do that if everything was okay?”

“He’s…he’s  _literally_  anxiety, Thomas! How do you expect him to ever be calm?” Roman scoffed.

“I will have you know I was doing fine for a while,” Virgil said, shuffling on his feet. “At least until  _you three_  started acting weird. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Roman snorted. “Logan, what did you do?”

Logan’s eyes narrowed. “Come again?” he asked, voice too soft for him to be calm.

“Well,  _I_  haven’t done anything,”  _Don’t let them see don’t let them see make sure they’re focusing on someone else!_ “So naturally it has to be you or Patton making Virgil uncomfortable. And Patton  _never_  makes anyone uncomfortable, which leaves you!”

_Don’t freak out don’t freak out don’t let him see you’re rattled oh gosh what did you DO?!_ “I cannot believe you would believe something so ignorant and half-baked,” Logan said. “Oh wait, yes I can, because you run off of nothing but nonsense in the first place!”

Thomas looked between them, alarmed. “Woah, hey, let’s not start blaming each other, okay? It’s nobody’s fault here, at least on a level they know about. Let’s just talk through this calmly.”

“Talk is cheap,” Roman snarled, glaring at Logan.

“Spoken like a true meathead,” Logan growled back.

Virgil pulled the top of his hoodie up and let out a small but distressed moan.

_Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry DON’T LET THEM KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG!_ “H-hey guys, what’s black, and white, and orange all over?” Patton asked.

“ _Not now, Patton!”_  Roman and Logan snapped at the same time.

Patton flinched and shrank away, tears coming to his eyes.

“You’re insufferable!” Roman snarled.

“Better than being stupid!” Logan shot back.

Roman roared in anger and charged at Logan, who in response curled himself into the tightest ball he could and screamed. Patton yelled for them to stop, crying so hard his entire body was shaking. Thomas was frozen in shock that  _Roman_  of all people would attack  _Logan_. Virgil looked around at the chaos, threw off his hood, straightened up, and yanked Roman off of Logan. He glanced at Roman and held a hand up, ordering, “Stay.”

Logan was still curled in a ball, hyperventilating and shaking so hard it literally hurt to breathe. Virgil forced him to sit up, and gently instructed him on how to breathe properly, before going through a grounding exercise with him.

When Logan had stopped shaking as much, Virgil moved on to Patton, who was still crying, eyes wide. Virgil just gently hugged him and shushed him until Patton had gotten everything more or less out of his system, and Virgil could feel concern replacing the fear and distress Patton had been radiating.

And that left Roman. Virgil simply turned sharply on his heel, strode up to Roman, and stuck a finger in his face. “Not. Okay,” he growled. “I don’t care what you’re dealing with personally, you  _never_  take it out on someone else.”

“I’m sorry, what just happened?” Thomas asked.

Virgil returned to his spot on the stairs and gestured vaguely. “Logan’s got the start of an anxiety disorder, Patton’s depressed, and Roman’s…probably depressed too, thinking on it. Just a very different kind than what Patton is experiencing.”

“Their fight told you that?” Thomas asked skeptically.

“Oh, I’ve been picking up hints for months. The fight is what made all those signals’ meanings clear,” Virgil shrugged off. “I’ve dealt with this stuff for years, I know how to address it.”

“Oh…okay…” Thomas said hesitantly. “So…what now?”

Virgil heaved a sigh. “Now, I suggest picking up the pieces. Which means getting Logan to a place where he feels safe again, letting Patton know it’s okay to feel sad and to let things out before he gets emotionally numb, and let Princey here know it’s okay to be in a creative slump and that going at one-hundred-and-ten percent is really going to hurt you in the long run rather than help you.”

Thomas looked around at the carnage, Logan’s wide and fearful eyes never leaving Roman’s form, Roman slumped over in his corner looking like he was trying very hard not to pass out, and Patton shaking slightly in fatigue. “How long will that take?”

“A while,” Virgil admitted. “But it’s not impossible. I’d recommend letting these guys off for the rest of the day, though. Not sure how much they could help anyway.”

Thomas sighed and waved them all away back to the Mind Palace, before scrubbing at his eyes. So  _that_  was why he’d been feeling off recently. He really didn’t like this.

Eventually, Logan felt comfortable in his own skin again. Virgil taught him how to not calculate for every worst-case scenario and focus solely on that, claiming that was his job in the first place. Logan was able to read in the Common Room and didn’t even flinch when Patton accidentally dropped a pan in the kitchen.

Eventually, Patton was able to look on the bright side again. Virgil let Patton vent as much as he needed to without judgement, and as his negative emotions were released, he could feel the positive ones again more and more. He would bounce around the house, happily singing whatever was in his head at the moment in a matter of weeks.

Eventually, Roman was passionate again. Virgil and Roman more or less had to sit down together and Virgil had to systematically explain why it was okay to have a creative slump, so long as it didn’t take over your entire life, before Roman got the message and began cutting himself some slack. But as the pressure loosened, the more Roman was able to think freely, and soon he was back to his old self.

Now Patton may not have known where it started, Logan may not have known when it ended, and Roman still may not have quite grasped what was wrong, but they all knew that no matter the problem, they could go to Virgil for help with fixing it.

**Author's Note:**

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